Butler Zelretch: Arturia Fluff
by Sanity's Dog
Summary: A sweet little 'what if' fluff about if Arturias common sense was corrupted even before living ten thousand years in isolation and she learnt the Kaleidoscope after merlin bailed on her. Features grandfatherly Butler!Zelretch (caught and converted), technically-not-incest yuri crush and more! Has the potential for more chapters? Enjoy And yeah, consider it Disclaimed: I own nothing


A girl in a lion onsie was humming to herself happily as she ate potato wedges she had cooked earlier for lunch and watched the anime on tv.

Suddenly she froze though as she saw what was happening.

"Is that… Mordred?" She tilted her head curiously.

She squealed. "Ohmygod! She's so freaking adorable! Where's my Mordred!?" She cried out and rolled around hugging a little plushie of the girl that suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

"Too… adorable…" She mumbled into it after calming down and burying her face into the plushie.

Snapping her head back up cutely, her eyes gleamed as she rewinded the anime and kept watching it…

Only to squeal again moments later. This time though she only fidgeted adorably so she didn't have to stop watching.

Like that, she binge watched the entire Fate/Grand Order anime.

For several long moments after it ended, she just sat there staring dazedly at the screen.

Then she smiled widely. "Zelretch," she said, imbuing prana into her voice to make sure she got his attention, "I want my own Mordred." She said resolutely.

He sighed as he materialised in the living room like he had always been there.

"If any of those brats knew that you could give me so many headaches my reputation would be in tatters" He grouched although there was a doting undertone.

She smiled. "Mordred." She reminded pressingly, trying to contain herself from bouncing.

He sighed. "Well, the problem with that is you kinda shanked the bitch that would give her to you almost ten thousand years ago." He reminded in a sarcastic tone.

She narrowed her eyes dangerously. "…it's not my fault."

He facepalmed. "Not your fault? What are you, a child? You don't accidently use a Noble Phantasm in the middle of a castle, it's literally impossible to do that by accident. You shanked a bitch, get over it already."

She wined pitifully and buried her face into her plushie, a plushie that made Zelretch shudder when he noticed it, and he realised she was sulking rather than trying to defend herself. Damn that girl was hard to read and damn himself for feeling bad now he realised. Ugh.

"She scared me, ok? I didn't mean to kill her. Merlin didn't tell me perverts were so squishy, he said they could take any beating and still survive even if they were half dead and you even showed me that anime with Jirariya or something as proof. But she just went poof and exploded into blood and half my castle disappeared! And I don't get it! Every other pervert manages to survive my 'righteous feminine fury' just fine, why did the one time that was important kill them?" She wined.

He choked on nothing as he found out why this realities timeline diverged by so much in such a stupid way after trying for hundreds of years already. Then he had the decency to blush as he realised it was his fault.

"Ah, um, yes, well you see, the problem was that pervert physics usually stop death and property damage when they get bashed up with righteous feminine fury, at least in this reality, but Morgana wasn't actually a pervert and so she died like someone normally does when hit with a full powered noble phantasm, especially since she was actually pretty weak physically unlike your usual enemies, she just made up for it with her magecraft." He explained awkwardly.

She froze. "Huh?" She asked blankly. "No, Morgana was definitely a pervert. Why else would she try and rape her own sister? I mean, I always knew she was a sis con but that's clearly crossing the line into pervert territory right there."

He looked at her awkwardly. How does she not know this by now? And why was he the one stuck explaining it to her!?

…was his internal reaction but internally he adopted a consoling expression as he prepared to set things right.

"Morgana didn't try and sleep with you out of perversion, she just wanted your seed while you were in a male form to conceive a homunculus child she'd use to overthrow you." He said awkwardly.

She tilted her head before making an o sound. "She was always so dishonest with herself, denying her feelings like that. Silly girl, she could have just accepted she was a sis con instead of thinking up a convoluted plan like that to get me to notice her. I bet in other realities I didn't notice her because the adorable Mordred was there and Morgana got jealous. Aww, now I think about it that way Morgana is cute too. She made my adorable Mordred upset though so…" She made a throat slitting motion.

"…How is this my life…?" He asked himself quietly in despair. Naturally, he was ignored.

"Anyway! Since Morgana is dead and can't rape me to create my adorable Mordred, I shall have to find my own in another reality! I mean, I could find another Morgana instead but the thought of letting anyone do that to me that's not my adorable Mordred… ugh." She fake vomited.

Zelretch wondered if this is where he should be real vomiting. Then again, he wasn't the most moral of beings so instead he sent up a small prayer for the Mordred he would be condemning to this girl and moved on. This girl was a menace. Well, at least they would be cute together. Mordred and Arturia Yuri… hehehe…

Evidently, Zelretch wasn't any help towards dissuading her. Mordred's last hope had failed her.

Not that there was any hope. Zelretch, to this day, had never even once managed to convince this version of the girl not to do something when she had decided to. In fact, he often got caught up in her pace instead.

As for how things got to this point, it was a long and complicated story but to sum it up Zelretch had only found this reality a few hundred years ago since apparently he was never born here and he tried to work out where it diverged and why it did it so massively since magi, gaia and alaya didn't even exist here anymore somehow. He got caught by this version of Arturia who apparently never died and had been stuck in her pace ever since. He tried to resist at first but… well, he was here now so evidently that didn't work. His counterparts had thrown him to the wolves when they realised Arturia could leave her reality at will so they weren't caught up instead. She had become a bit… weird after ten thousand years.

To this day he still didn't know how things had ended up like this either, only just then finding out it was because some asshole version of him came to watch anime with a version of his good friend Merlin and apparently they indivertibly corrupted Arturia's worldview together until she was weird even without ten thousand years to develop her quirks. Merlin the bastard had managed to run away so she went and learnt the Kaleidoscope to track him down but too much time had passed so he managed to escape. When he arrived however, there was no escape as she already knew. His counterparts had officially named him as Butler Zelretch, the babysitter to this stupidly overpowered and quirky divergence of Arturia Pendragon. For the sake of sanity he previously didn't realise he valued he had learnt to just go along with things.

He couldn't help his eye twitching though whenever he had to meet one of his counterparts and saw how skittish they looked, as if they wanted nothing more than to run away before he 'infected' them or something. Traitors.

So he simply asked, "What reality shall we be travelling to and when shall we be leaving, Arturia?" like the dutiful butler he was and moved on.

She smiled excitably. "An alternate version of Fate/Apocrypha timeline just before she's been summoned, as close to the original reality this anime is based off of as possible. We'll be leaving now, I set up the pocket mansion while I was watching it earlier."

He thought of thousands of worlds based on those requirements in an instant but narrowed it down quickly to one where a counterpart of his existed. Just because he had accepted his role didn't mean he had changed his nature and some petty revenge against those bastard counterparts of his right now sounded great.

"Then let us depart. We have an adventure awaiting after all." He smiled maliciously.

She squealed and hugged him.

It was moments like this that made him remember that even if he always got caught up in her pace unlike his former nature where he messed with others and even if his counterparts were frustrating, he accepted the role willingly for a reason.

Because he couldn't help but dote on this version of Arturia who had wormed her way into his heart. The cute, childish girl who made the world around her brighter merely by existing. While he did miss his former self, he also saw the value and warmth in the little family the two of them had created for themselves and wouldn't abandon it even if he could.

How could a doting grandfather like him bare to part with his beloved granddaughter, especially when he knew how lonely she'd be again without him?

So they stepped into another reality to cause some havoc and hopefully add a new addition to their little family. And if anyone even dared to hurt his granddaughters feelings they would live to regret it. Oh, would they live…

**-{ + }-**


End file.
